How to Celebrate Someone
Word of the Week: Connection
It’s a worldwide favorite activity, known through every language and woven through every culture. It’s described as how we honor the entities closest to us, usually by refraining from ordinary business. We all know how to do it, and why wouldn’t we, because celebrating, for any occasion, has the possibility to bring out the best features of humanity, when done right. Celebrating the people around us, especially our loved ones, not only makes someone feel completely and utterly seen, but often heals something unseen, as well. Something that may never present itself through words.
When we remind our people how special they are to us, a form of compassion is planted that often grows to produce many more fruits of kindness, a sort of domino effect. And one day, the world might become a better place, all because you were brave enough to give it to them. At least that is what I have learned tonight, on the hour of my 22nd birthday, in the midst of both old, treasured friendships, and new, blossoming ones. My best of friends, the people I love. For me, there is something so fulfilling in this idea, that I wish to materialize it. So, consider it a gift, this blog I give to you, where I will tell you some of the best ways you can make those around you feel loved and celebrated, and ultimately, how you can serve a greater good in this world.
Be Detailed
Something that has been completely lost from this generation is the gift and the opportunity behind being observant. With our phones practically stapled to our foreheads, we miss the ambiance around us in every sensory category.
We miss the person that quietly delivers a compliment, or a question in a time of need. We miss the server that is having an incredibly rough shift but considers you and your needs in order to make enough money for the night. We miss the silent hello behind looking someone in the eyes when we walk past them. We miss holding hands, and bird noises, and everything that I believe makes this life worth living.
So, I advise you to notice the small things: someone’s drink order at a restaurant so you can order it for them when they are in the bathroom, what music they like to listen to, who they call when they need to feel comforted, their family members names so you can be engaged in their drama, what their favorite snack is so you can have it stocked at your home for when they come over, what three items they would save in a house fire, their celebrity crush so you can buy them a full body blanket of their face, etc… Figure out how you can create a space made out of all of their favorite things, and understand their triggers, fears, pet peeves, all of the above, so you can do your best to keep them safe. AND their birthday, ESPECIALLY remember their birthdays.
There is so much you could add to this list, but that is YOUR job to open your eyes and look! It is for the benefit of so many people, and I have found that kindness is often contagious, because it takes being selfless to be thoughtful, and focusing on others is one of the most attractive and compelling forms of love. Naturally, it multiplies when experienced.
It’s hard to hate someone who knows everything about you. So, love your people by focusing on the details.
Be Decisive
When it comes to existing in close proximity with anyone, whether this is a relationship, friendship, roommate, parent, boss, etc…, there will inevitably be moments of disagreement, small tiff’s that could ultimately mean nothing, or ones that are adding to a much bigger problem. In this instance, there are two great ways to celebrate someone.
The first is for those softer arguments: someone said something that slightly pushed an internal boundary, or simply irked you in a moment of miscommunication. These are usually the things you won’t sit on for too long, but must be evaluated with the question: is this worth bringing up? I have found that in more cases than not, the answer is no. This is how you choose your battles. For the sake of harmony, and to minimize further conflicts, it is easier to learn to let the small things go (especially for roommates!).
Everyone seems to have so much on their plates already, and much of any relationship is compromise. Lay the ego down, swallow it, throw it out the window towards the next person who cuts you off on the freeway but DON’T let it exist between you and your most valued friendships. Life is simpler when you don’t let the tiny, inconvenient things bother you, and it is the best way to create a supportive environment for other people in your life.
Now, I am not telling you to disregard your own boundaries and emotions, that is where the second idea comes in, for those little arguments that are secretly a part of something much bigger. If you are an introvert like me, who bottles the hard things up and needs days to process conflicts before speaking on them, then this might help you. When a problem arises, the majority of my time is spent attempting to understand how I feel about the issue, picking and poking at my feelings until I can see which ones came from a valid source of reasoning and the others, where I was being maybe, just slightly (I’ll defend this to my grave), irrational. There! I said it.
The truth is, we will NEVER be able to see every side of the picture if we aren’t willing to communicate our side of it. So yes, let go of the little things, BUT if something is consistently affecting your social and emotional health, then do yourself (and your victim) a favor by being brave and mature enough to speak about it. We are all adults here, and emotions have been benched for far too long.
So, when you get the courage to speak about it (face-to-face weirdo), make sure you deliver it from the perspective of how you feel, why you feel that way, and remind the other person that you love them and don’t think they are a bad person because their actions affected you this way, all in a calm and balanced tone + voice. You can also throw a compliment in there to act as a nice, fluffy buffer. Example: “I feel hurt, because sometimes I don’t feel included in the plans that are made, and I love spending time with you.” Avoid assumptional statements that would describe the way you feel about the person, such as you are so ____, you never ____, you don’t ___.
For once, keep the spotlight on yourself, and the other person will have a much easier time hearing you out because they won’t feel centrally attacked. People have a much harder time identifying and accepting wrongdoing over the idea of empathy. Once they can frame the scenario from their own point of view, the psychological battlefield collapses, and real conversations can begin to be had.
Stay polite. Listen well. And celebrate your person by deciding which problems are worth bringing up, and being an effective communicator when you do.
Be a Light Source
I know, I know it’s cheesy, but it’s true! One of the only things you can control in your environment is how you react, and I’m telling you, no matter what your circumstances are, choose optimism! Being a constant source of encouragement and positive mindfulness is one of the easiest ways to celebrate someone. Because while it is a great tool to combat any negative emotions they relay to you (listen first of course!), it also, as I mentioned earlier, combats any of those emotions that are unseen, those that might be difficult to put into words.
The way you react, and the energy you put out into the world, can have much more of an impact than you realize. Imagine your words somewhere in that hidden realm, floating and frolicking around, giving any other words they meet a warm embrace rather than trampling them, which is what happens when we match negative emotions with the same pessimism. Or worse, diffuse and eliminate our person’s statements with something about ourselves, which not only shuts down the entire interaction but every opportunity for growth as well.
So, for example, if your person comes up to you and says, “I don’t think I am going to make it in my career,”, respond with, “I believe you have the skills to accomplish anything you put your mind to,” or, “It might be easier than you think. There are so many opportunities out there for you to access.” Try and give an overall piece of advice that will offer a fresh perspective for your person.
Everyone needs the small reminder that they have someone in their corner, so when they come to you, be prepared to provide this “light support”. Better yet, it might just distract you from some of the hardships you might be facing. The burden should be easy when considering our relationships. What’s a better way to honor them than casting everything in our lives aside, looking them in the eyes, and asking, “What do you need right now?”.
Care for others in a manner that you would want to be cared for, and trust that these interactions only multiply when enacted. Do it out of the compassion of your heart, and not for the reward you could reap. So, so many need it and so many will never ask.
Celebrate your people by intentionally being a light source, especially when there is so much darkness to fall into.
Be Reliable
Sometimes we underestimate the importance of a strong friendship. Remember these are the people that see us in all of our naked glory and insist that we still look super hot! And, that they still want to look super hot next to us. The ones that will follow us down the rabbit hole and are still willing to support us (and even look at us) when we come out the other side. The world is ugly, but it is a whole lot more monstrous without someone to rely on. We need friendships. We need someone who isn’t obligated to spend the rest of their lives with us.
I believe this is the essence of true commitment in a relationship, sometimes even stronger than romantic ones, because there is nothing to keep us there, but we choose to. We choose to bite our tongue and sit in uncomfortable spaces with them despite the lack of an “I do” at the end. We choose to hear them out. We choose to consider the idea that we might have flaws and sometimes those flaws affect other people, even though we don’t have to.
It is our job to be reliable in this way, a strong foundation for our people when every bone in our body is telling us to run, swallow it, and never spit it out. Being reliable means being able to be trusted that we are going to show up, no matter what! We must raise the other person above our own needs. But why?
It is proven that the older we get, the less likely it is for us to hold onto long-term friendships. I think this idea could be broken it we were just more intentional with these relationships in the first place. One of the most notable ways I have tried to instill this practice is through a daily hug with my roommate. Someone recently told me that hugging someone is the only time our hearts come into physical contact with another. So, every night at approximately 9:30, my roommate and I take thirty seconds to do just this! We hug, feel the beating rhythm of the other person, synchronize with them, and become filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and relief. It has also been known to improve feelings of connection, lower cortisol levels, boost endorphins and oxytocin, and reduce stress levels. Personally, it is very therapeutic in a way. It allows me to relax, sometimes for the first time in a day. It allows me to breathe and stabilize myself. And more importantly, it makes both of us feel so entirely loved.
So, yes, do the hard, intentional things. Call them first. Apologize first. Plan something amidst your busy schedules. Write them a letter. Buy them flowers. Give them a hug, a big one! Everyone needs someone to look out for them. Celebrate your people by being reliable.
Be Surprising
I recently heard that in order for an event to be memorable, there has to be something unexpected involved, an element that is outside of your control and one you couldn’t see coming. A surprise, if you will. These instances decorate our memories in a much brighter way than those that we casually experience day-to-day. As to why we must do it for our relationships.
It is far, FAR too easy to fall into the everyday lull of life and become comfortable in consistency. Don’t fix what isn’t broken right? But maybe there is a way we can operate better. There’s always room to take that next step, so do it! Doing something for someone completely out of the blue, no matter how big or small, can have a profound effect, one that can echo for weeks for some people.
Think about the times someone has done this for you, how special you felt in that moment (and maybe wildly put on the spot), how thoughtful it was for them to think of you in that way. Especially when everyone is dealing with everything, juggling their own specific set of stressful priorities. Unfortunately, operating outside of ourselves in this manner has become rarer in the modern age, generations of people sucked into the all-access freedoms of our current technology systems.
I believe we have become what I am calling “deadly consumers”, entranced by a 5-inch frame that could give us absolutely anything at our fingertips. And why wouldn’t we be? We are their target audience, after all. But, despite what everyone else is doing, I am telling you to not get locked in on the things right in front of you but look up and around you as much as humanly possible. Outward connection is vital to a healthy well-being.
So, THINK of your people. Think of ANYTHING you could do to surprise them. Bring them lunch at work. Send them an encouraging note in the morning. Make them cookies. Take them on a date. Throw them a party. Compliment their ass. Plan a last-minute, all-expense paid vacation. Buy them an 18th-century chateau or the White House, I don’t know? Just. Do. Something. Honor them in this way!
Because wouldn’t you want someone to do that for you? Celebrate someone by never becoming complacent with casual interactions, and make the best memories in the meantime.
Some may call me silly for my high expectations of humans. It is easy to ask yourself, “Why would I ever do these things for someone when no one has ever made me feel celebrated in that way?”. Well, I have found that we often tend to reap the things we sow, the energy we put out into the world is directly reflective of what we receive. Or maybe, our mindsets control our perspective: sow kindness, think kindly, reap kinder interactions in this world. Sow selfishness, think laterally, reap lonelier interactions in this world.
This idea exists all around us. Plant something, and the likelihood of its survival depends on what you feed it. We need people to survive, so this means planting and sowing all the lovely things, whatever is pure and right, for the benefit of everyone. This is our purpose in serving the greater good.
Celebrate your people by loving them so well that they might love others. And we can all hold hands, skipping down the rainbow, singing merrily and tossing glitter into the air.
Remember, you are loved and valued. And if no one has celebrated you, give me a ring! I’ve been told I throw one hell of a party.
Storybank:
This week’s entry deals with the feelings I have had surrounding this “deadly consumerism” I mentioned before, because we are all victims to it. Most of my favorite memories exist in my childhood, before it all got to us. This is a memento to my younger self and that era:
“I see her. I see her whispering and leaping and wallowing away in my stories, begging me to reside next to her until one day I might grab her by the hand and pull her back to the breathing earth, back to wispy fall afternoons where crimson leaves collected at the doorframes, and mother fed her from the palms of her hands before the world could. Because she was untouchable, and utterly untouched, kept inside that translucent shell where only sunlight could break through, and it bathed her. It soaked her up whole, and after much time in drunkenness, I believe she is where my consciousness has fled to, because nothing of this life feels real without her.”